June 6, 2006

sshhh…come closer

there is this silence i want to talk to you about today.

it is deep and inviting. and it is happy. not the kind of happiness i have when i know i am a working girl again. not the kind of happiness i had when i managed to finish my almost 12,500-word-assignments, which i must admit again, seems like a miracle now.

perhaps it is like the growing happiness i get when i know i’m cooking. and when i know my recipe is going to turn out right. the salt will be just right. the rotis will all puff up. the vegetables will be evenly chopped. when i would have finished everything on my plate but would greedily want more.

perhaps the silence is like the warmth i feel towards this blind stranger on the number 46-bus. every morning, lead by his faithful guide-dog, i see the man is always smiling. perhaps he feels he must look cheerful even if he cannot see the other stern-looking-office-goers around him. if he could, would he too be like them, i wonder.

today, the bus was more crowded than usual. a young man took the blind stranger by his hand to offer him his seat. the dog, with no place to go, explored my calves with his wet muzzle. that was warm, yes, through the quiet five-minute bus journey.

and there is still this silence. inside me. content. sometimes it speaks to me in whispers, like my teacher did to me in class one morning, excited: “how is it going?…is it public yet?…you look fantastic!” there were seven of us girls in the class, and one teacher. but that morning, there was just one woman, whispering to another.

she knows about the silence. most women do. anytime now, the silence will change to a soft rhythm. a rhythm that will envelop. a rhythm that will grow into a melody only i can hear. a melody that will have a face, a body, tiny hands and legs. and one day, those legs will kick.

that day, i will tell you about another music again.
the music of motherhood.


  • jaygee said:

    I dont know you that well.. but have been reading u..and your blog.. and are congratulations in order? 🙂

  • brinda crishna said:

    Hi Radhika
    I have been looking to learn patchwork and quilting during my many work trips to London and did a google search and came accross this page of yours. I loved the one about your mum and her sewing. Reminded me a bit of myself, being the mother of 4 grown up women, all very independently ‘settled’ as they say in India, one in the UK as well…..no one showed an interest in the sewing machine then or now!!
    I just wanted to congratulate you on your site.
    You have a wonderful writing style

  • radhika said:

    yessss… thank you jaygee 🙂

    thanks brinda, it’s wonderful to receive a comment from someone like you…now i can tell my mother she’s not alone in the thought that both her daughters don’t know to sew 😉
    my best wishes to all of you 🙂

  • anu said:

    Congratulations Radhika! I have been following your blog for quite a while now, and really love the way you write…checked out your blog after a long time, and was delighted to find that we both share the same silence right now….

  • radhika said:

    heyy!! congratulations 🙂 always happy to know there’s one more enjoying the silence, aren’t we?

  • anu (a different one!) said:

    Congrats Radhika! I’ve been a lurker on your blog for a long time now, and am so glad to hear you’re “feeling the silence!” Though as the mother of a 17-month-old, I have to tell you: ENJOY THE SILENCE NOW! It will soon be all clamour and craziness! But a wonderful sort. Good luck and congrats again!

  • Swapna said:

    Congrats Radhika! Welcome to motherhood!!

  • Rashmi said:

    Congrats Radhika …. enjoy your silence

  • Sukanya M said:

    What a beautiful post. I found that I was reading your post word by word, slowly, almost holding my breath (so as to not miss the silence you were talking about)! Its worth the wait (your last post was in March). And ofcourse, congratulations.

  • shoefiend said:

    Dear Radhika,

    i wish you would write more often. congratulations on the wonderful news.

  • Priya said:

    Hi Radhika-

    I came to your blog after a long time and am very happy for you.. and I’ll keep coming back while we share the silence 🙂 Congratulations!!

  • Anonymous said:

    hi radhika,
    today ,while surfing i came across ur website.
    u write quite well.i mean to say i liked ur writeup.i think i too like writing about the world around me,my views,my thoughts,my dreams ,wishes etc..But i haven’t ever tried writing other than writng a diary.
    well up keep up ur nice work.bye.

  • girija said:

    Hi Radhika,
    Returned to your blog after quite a while…and was delighted upon reading your post.
    Congratulations! 🙂

    A hooked reader,

  • anumita said:

    Wow! Lovely news! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

  • pearl said:

    congratulations Radhika! That was beautifully written!

  • Prasanna said:

    Beautiful post

  • guruprasad said:

    after a long time, came to your blog…and what a good news to hear! Congrats…it will be very inetresting to see how this little one going to shape up – after the father or the mother…congrats to you and praveen

  • Radhika said:

    my names radhika too, n i’m nambiar.i’dlike 2 start a blog like dis too…wher do i go?

  • Ravi said:

    hi its very long silence in your blog!!!!

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