i’m going to thane on a friday night.
after a long long time, i’m going to spend the weekend at home.

apart from the good food and house home arrest, i think i know what’s coming, more LECTURES 😮

will anybody give me one reason why International Women’s Day is celebrated? to me, it seems like its the day when women themselves have given the world the license to be hypocrites for a day.

why else would someone say that “its the day women get to treat men like they treat women the rest of the year.” now that’s the STUPIDEST thing i’ve ever heard!!

i wonder how microland celebrated women’s day this time. last year when i was in bangalore, they sent out “sexy” e-invites that said it was mandatory for every she-gender there to attend.

on d-day, the venue was a the canteen which was transformed to look like a kottha…white mattresses and red rose petals strewn all over them. the indya.com guys (who arranged the event) were dressed in asingle robe, like romans, and they had laurels over their head. as every unassuming girl entered the room, rose water was sprinkled on them. perhaps the ambience was meant to soothe, but it only made me more suspicious every moment. drinks were served, and of course, cigarettes too. most of them (the girls) were regular drinkers…but not that i had a problem with that. i’m not a hypocrite, and i’ve had my share of a “drag” in my time. it was what followed after the drinks that i objected to…the men.

and the by-now-high-women who followed them on the “dance floor.” one of them poured beer all over a guy and licked him clean, the other guys started unveiling what lay beneath their “exotic” single-robe roman attire. thoroughly scandalised by now, i wanted to leave, but the guy at the door wouldnt let me…the girls were screaming inside, some out of sheer ecstacy, some desparate, some drunk, and thankfully, a few who were really as horrified as me.

as i was led back into the room, i sensed that things were getting back to normal “fun”. a few kids were called in to sing and dance. or at least that was what i thought, until…

the next thing i knew, i’d pushed the guy-at-the-door out of my way and storming back to office, white with anger and shock at what i was going to be witness to…a strip show. is this the new dotcom culture that i had been hearing about? was this where venture fundists were pouring in all their money? for goodness sake, college kids stripping in office?? how much had they been paid?? my head reeled with questions, but i was unable to open my mouth. my friend eby thought i was going to have a nervous breakdown and left all his work to take me back to the guest house. nitin and nupur, who also lived in the guest house, drove in soon later, eby apparently had told them something was wrong and did not know what to do.

women’s day indeed. i guess no one noticed that there were other women in the building too. and these women were climbing the four storeys with bricks over their head, two of them had children in their arms… oh yeah, but they were not women, they were labourers, right?

today at zdnet india, women’s day is celebrated again. but in a different way. though i still don’t know who came up with a day for women, i’m thankful we are not a pampered bunch of dotcommers here.

what you give, comes back to you. and if you don’t respect what you get, you did not deserve it at all in the first place. perhaps that is what the dotcom wave was here to teach us. those who were thoroughly pampered at first, are soon beaten in the end.

and itspace was just one of them.

“and wherever you are,
and whatever you do,
may the best things that are,
all be coming to you”

remember our tenth-class farewell party viji…?
but when i wrote this on your autograph book, i never imagined i would really never see you again.

we were together since class eighth, when you opted for french and came into the ‘a’ division, and we became friends. we always shared the same bench, spent recess sharing each other’s dabbas (in fact, i remember it was mostly my dabba, and you often bought samosas from the school canteen…you loved the food that my mom used to send and i loved seeing you enjoy having it). i did not have many friends then, and i still haven’t been able to figure out why akshara and anupama always objected to my being with you. i did not care, perhaps that’s why i never let you know.

school was so much fun. remember how i used to complain about my big nose, and you about how you disliked your long fingers? but i always said that they were long so you learn to play the piano someday. you loved to talk, about your sisters shiji and reji, your uncle in dubai who you hated so much, and your huge palatial home at ulhasnagar, where you went every weekend…”there are SO many rooms radhu, i’ll at least need an hour to take you around all of them,” those were your words viji, and how i loved to listen to you. i promised you i’d come, and i haven’t forgotten.

after our ssc exams, which were held in different schools, i tried to get in touch with you, so many times…thirteen letters, and about seven or eight greeting cards…i continued to send them to your palace in ulhasnagar. a card for every and no occassion, and letters, because i loved to write to you, hoping you’d reply some day. you never did.

it was only after almost two years, when i coaxed my father into taking me to your home all the way, that i realised why you did not reply. we looked all over ulhasnagar, asked at least 20 people about the palatial bunglow that was the only one of its kind.

we finally went to enquire at the post office itself. and they said there was no such place. that huge bunglow was all your dream viji!! you never received my letters. because you never lived there.

i fell sick after we came back that day. i still feel empty when i think of you, and the friendship we shared. did your “bad” uncle take you to dubai? are you married now? are you working somewhere? are you safe viji?

no i’m not angry with you for the lies you told me. because they were where you wanted to be. i want you to know that i still haven’t forgotten you. i look forward to seeing you some day, i have so much to tell you, i’m sure you have too.

and hey i also wanted to wish you a happy birthday, and wherever you are, and whatever you do, may the best things that are, all be coming to you.

sometimes, in spite of having loving friends around, you tend to feel lonely inside. i always wonderd why. now i know.

because pain can isolate.

the acupuncture treatment is not helping me. today, the pain was so bad that i thought my time has finally come. i dread anyone asking me “how’s your backache?” and i feel the person asking me this question dreads my answer too, because its always the same, if not worse.

today i also realised the importance of what my mother had been driving into my head for so many months, and the day-long-joint-marathon-lecture that i received this sunday from my mother, and mahesh, who had come to stay over.

…that apart from the right diagnosis, my back needs rest, and lots of it. i bunked my acupuncture session today, left office at around 6:30 pm, walked home slowly, and collapsed on the bed till 10:30 pm, when mahesh reminded a totally disoriented me about dinner. the sleep did not really cure the increased pain, but somewhere, i did feel calm inside, and no longer lonely.

came to thane last night, had dinner and crashed.

i have no words to express what i felt when amma and i had a talk early in the day, but had she maintained a journal of her own, perhaps this is what she would have blogged…

my daughter came home this morning

i closed one chapter of my life today, again.

another year when i would miss being around on my sister’s birthday.

i offered to buy deepu a gift of her choice, since i am leaving for bangalore this afternoon.

so prachi and i picked her up from her office last evening. i was happy to meet venky, and we talked about how far the original express computer team had travelled…

valentine d’souza
the silent editor with the unforgettable mischievious
twinkle-in-the-eye smile. i was interviewed by him and
venky, although i never really got to work under val.
living computers > times computing > freelance > tringtring (aptech)

venkatesh hariharan
my first boss, and an ‘editor’ in every sense on the term.
a digital news venture (which never took off)
> a scholarship and nine-month education at massachussetts
institute of technology > professor at indian institute
of information technology at itpl, bangalore >
venturekatalyst.com

sriram ramaswamy
the panini of our office, and the only person who still
prefers to remain unreachable (yes we do exchange an occassional
email). not many of us know where he works today, and i do hope
he got to complete that phd in mathematics…

deepak kumar
my mamu. no we are not related, but deepak and i share
a special relationship. he loves to talk about what he learns,
and i am a good listener. i watched as malini and deepak grew
closer, and how much they tried to keep it a secret. of course
i knew it all along, but i also kept it to myself 😉
itspace.com > softwaredioxide.com

s p malini
my (first) senior colleague and friend. ever-willing to be
on the right side of any argument, mal was always fair, and
very diplomatic. i learnt a lot from her. and yes, she and
deepak are very ‘happily’ married today.
marriage > siri karya systems > housewife > content specialist for ibm

brian periera
a very very simple man. a genuine teacher, who always hid
his insecurities behind such a serious profile that no one
really understood him. i worked with brian at chip again,
and there i saw chip work like therapy on him. brian is
a changed person now, though he’s still single.
he laughs more freely, cracks jokes, and yes, in his
spare time (every evening), he also teaches.
chip > times computing > tringtring

radhika j nair
i was the youngest employee at express computer.
every one of these colleagues listed here…they still think i’m a ‘bachcha’.
chip > itspace.com > zdnet india

dhaval valia
there can be only one original, and that has to be my dear chachu
dhaval. the eternal romantic, dhav never figured out why girls
wanted to make him their bhaiya, and he (still) has the
gift to strike an interesting conversation with anyone, anywhere.
heck! he almost convinced the canteen to strike a deal with the
then-popular drink, crush. dhaval’s desk has always been a huge
pile of papers, scribbled notes, magazines and pens, you’ll
always find him chatting with his girlfriends, but he’s a
grown man now, the editor of computer reseller news.
dataquest > computer reseller news

george eby mathew
“rads, you are the link between all of us, don’t
lose contact…or we’ll all lose touch with each other”
its only now that i’m beginning to understand what he meant
by that. but eby and i shared great times. he was ‘appointed’
as my local guardian by my mother when i was in bangalore
(so were deepak and malini and venky and rakesh krishna),
and sure enough, eby was very caring. he also introduced me
to his church, bought a pot that i painted for him, and
treated me to yummy pizza 🙂
yes ebs, i’ll remember to keep in touch.
gartner group > itspace.com

ganesh ramamoorthy
sitting simply, doing nothing
spring comes and the grass grows by itself
not every aspiring zen monk comes across an aspiring joker.
it is a relationship only the two can understand.
both carry the same message, one searches for the meaning of life,
the other celebrates it.
ganesh taught me a lot. about technology, about the internet,
about shell, about buddhism and zen.
he also told me that it was not practical. very zen-like.
gartner group > business times > times computing > zee interactive > netscribes

(phew! i could write pages about all of them,
but i guess i’ll just stick to the names now,
or else i’ll never be able to complete this blog…)

prakash advani
web vision > freelance > network computing > freeos.com

sanjay (siy-doc) yalavetti
living computers > times computing

yogesh ‘kardi’ katekar
stock broking company > sharekhan.com

shiva priya
indian express > myiris.com

abhijit basu
chip > express computer > netscribes

arun kumar
itspace.com

ivor soans
times computing > itiq > india.cnet.com

anil nair
living computers > india.cnet.com > mtvasia

anand govindarajan
business times > computer reseller news

george nelson micheals
living computers > a magazine in the gulf > computer reseller news > itnation.com

sudhir narasimhan
itspace.com

vijay ramachandran
itspace.com

at deepak and mal’s wedding party at gazebo in bandra one evening, when almost all of these ex-express computer-colleagues met, val jokingly remarked, “if this place were to be bombed right now, it would mean the end of IT journalism!!”

yes venky, all of us have come a long way, and we are also doing very well. perhaps we all shared a first-time-at-a-job sentiment…which is why everyone of us is still connected, and proud to be part of the “original” express computer group.

cheers to that 🙂

7:30 am: a courier delivery boy knocks on my door. there is no name on the packet he’s brought, but he has been directed to the correct address.

(today’s valentine’s day! nodding my head in disbelief at the lengths people can to to express themselves, i left the packet in rupali’s room. er…she has a fiance, i dont, not yet 😉

10:00 am: the mystery intensifies. the answer is in the gift packet. but who’ll open it?

(i came to office and told rupali about it. but she was positive it did not belong to her. both of us felt like we were in college, where nameless gifts are sent by anonymous senders. tickled with this sudden change in our routine lives, we giggled so much, i would have been embarrassed to hear myself again!)

1:30 pm: there is only one way to know. we’re going home this afternoon to open the gift, together.

valentine’s day was never ‘special’ for me.

but last year, it was different.
it was almost two months after i had shifted to bangalore, and i had been looking for the house of my dreams…a small living room, a small kitchen, a small bedroom, a huge terrace and LOTS of plants, all for myself.

i found that house on february 14, 2000, at sixth block, koramangala, in bangalore.

it was an incident i would have blogged if i had a livejournal account then…
although i could understand and speak a little kannada, i was still getting used to the pure ‘bangaluru’ being spoken, and i was shocked when i heard the conversation between my broker and my landlord-to-be.

it was a lie.

in an attempt to raise her commission and reduce the rent i’d have to pay, she told him i’d be getting a room mate soon, and added that this (non-existential character) was currently in delhi for a vacation!

each time i interrupted, she cut me off with a i’ll-handle-it gesture, and i felt helpless in this never-before experienced situation …
a) when i left bombay, i had decided i would stay alone, and here was the house of my dreams
b) the landlord was asking for rs 4500 and a deposit of rs 30,000 (“but koramangala is the nariman point of bangalore…”, the landlord argued)
c) i did not understand why my broker was furnishing one lie after another (paapa, ava oble idaare…irlibidi, amele friend bartare)
d) i would not pay a rent of rs 4500, and even if the houseowner agreed for a low price, i did not want to share the room with any one.

as we left the house (and when my broker was busy talking to the landlord’s wife), i asked the landlord for his phone number, and if there was someone in the house who understood english. that night i called my cousin venkatesh, and asked him to accompany me to the house again early next morning.

i had never been so excited. i met naveen, the landlord’s son at 7:30 am the next day, and told him that i had come all the way to bangalore to learn to live on my own, and that the broker had lied about the delhi colleague. i also told him that i loved the house but i would not pay such a high rent for it. with my heart in my mouth, i told them that if they were still interested, they could call me at office.

as we left, my cousin was sympathetic. he was sure i would never get the house and offered to look for better places himself. but i was happy. i knew i had done the right thing.

thirty minutes after i reached my office, the phone rang 🙂

i started my career with express computer on april 19, 1996, moved on to chip, then itspace in bangalore and now i’m with zdnet india.

after five years of my life as a career-woman, i’ve now opened my first savings account at the post office today. hmm, better late than never, i guess…

finally i can look forward to the day when i buy myself a house… (umm, in bangalore?)