i hate white bread.

every morning and evening, we used to have bread and butter in the cafetaria to avoid indulging in other oil-rich snacks, except wada-pav of course.

slowly, we (mahesh and me) got rid of that routine. we are ready for office by 8:30 am (well, mostly) and then he comes over so we can have a huge steaming cup of horlicks and brown bread for breakfast. i have nothing against brown (wheat) bread, i was told its also very nutritious.

but again, i could see that just bread and butter can become part of routine very soon. and since i don’t have a refrigerator, i cannot even think of buying perishable items. the sting-y red ants in my house don’t make it any easier, or i’d love to get nutella, the chocolate spread (is that what’s its called?).

so yesterday, i invested in a non-stick tava, and this morning, we had a hearty, yummy breakfast of golden-toasts, and horlicks 🙂

the MRI scan says everything’s absolutely normal.
i am disappointed, and perhaps also disillusioned.

how can an MRI-scan dismiss what x-ray reports have shown for almost over four years? so who do i believe?

one thing’s for sure: acupuncture is out.

as per the conditions set by my mom, i will now have to have faith in ayurvedic medicine.

blechch!

q. What could be worse than suffering from a seemingly life-long disease?

a. being unable to diagnose what it is.

after seven years, three specialists, a month-long yoga course, a brief attempt at ayurveda and an ongoing acupuncture treatment, i finally spent rs 5,000 for an MRI scan.

i wonder why this question kept popping up in my mind:
were the five thousand rupees important to me, or was it the diagnosis?

posters are being put up everywhere. mata amritanandamayi or ammachi, is in mumbai again.

two years ago, i was so curious to know more about her, that i left office early one evening for the satsang in powai. even 20 minutes before i really left from office, i had no idea i would go to meet her. my parents did not know about it till 1:00 am that night (er, morning), when i managed to get out of the 4,500-plus-packed ground to call home and inform them of my whereabouts.

i could see the longing to be happy, to be at peace in everyone’s eyes, tears too, while she hugged each one of them warmly, whispering something into every ear. the magic worked on me too! i had come all alone, and when i finally got to see her, it was 3:30 am. i wondered how i would ever get back home (my father refused to even talk to me, and i deserved it). even as the excitement of meeting her slowly faded into reality of how i would go home, a baby’s high-pitched cries jolted me out of my senses. i turn behind, and there! it was saroj, one of my friends from college, and all three generations of her family! i was seeing her after almost three years, and what a place to meet! i almost believed in god that night.

this year, sanjeev’s mother said she would come to stay over at my place during ammachi’s visit to nerul. aunty said she visits her every year, like the several other thousands who do.

hmmmm, what is it that draws people to her? why does the calm in a temple (or a church) overwhelm us?

crowds never cease to amaze me, just like the human mind, which has thousands of things running through at the same time. imagine what it must look like if you are detached from it all. suppose ‘thoughts’ were streaks of bright red, and you are at a railway platform, or a train:

one person = one mind = 100 bombarding thoughts (at the same time)
100 people = 100 minds = 10,000 bombarding thoughts (at the same time!!)

now, what happens when the 100 minds are forced to think of the same thing…even if it has to be a pink elephant(!?)
(boy, i can have a wild sense of imagination, not to forget my ability to visualise even as a person speaks, which has landed me in embarrassing times so often 🙂

today, a dotcom that reported news, views, and all the juice claimed to have uncovered some of the country’s dirty juicy defence secrets. the news has rocked the parliament, and the entire country. buses, trains, elevators, everywhere people are enraged, ashamed of the government they voted for.

would the indian defence ministry really be so corrupt? has the dotcom found a unique way to get itself funded? whatever the truth, the deed has been done. without giving fair time to justify their claims, we let a pair of investigators brainwash our minds, and lead india to this mess.

strange, what brings us peace, can also cause a tehelka.

dear deepak and malini,
happy wedding anniversary 🙂

three years ago, i left for bangalore — it was a few hours after we finished production of the first issue of chip.

it was my first real journey, alone, on the udyan express to bangalore. i attended mamu and mal’s wedding, and boarded a train back to mumbai a day later.

my first taste of independence 🙂

we watched the movie pay-it-forward this afternoon. thirty minutes into the movie and i knew the “world is not shit,” thanks to the few trevors around.

one of them, happens to be my best friend 🙂

it was a conspiracy. and holi could not have been a better occassion.

today, SIX people lectured me on the importance of getting married “on time…”

i just knew something like this would take place when i learnt that all my aunts and uncles were coming over for holi. the grilling session went on from 3 pm to 7 pm, and finally as i took their leave, they gave the ultimate advise to my parents “chaliye janardhanji, ab shree ganesh ka naam leke iske liye ladka dhoondna shuru kijiye”

yeah right! all i need now are blessings from the elephant god.

chacko called this evening. we must have contacted each other barely four times in the past twelve months, and he almost jumped out of the phone when i recognised his voice instantly. we remembered the days at Impulse Advertising, where i was almost ‘forced’ to work, and how he helped me quit the place.

sometimes i wonder if i’m still sore about those six months of humiliation, when i could not even protest because my “boss” happened to be my father’s “friend.”

but it helped me learn enough. i picked up the basics in advertising, and my interest in copywriting from there. i learnt how grown-up and supposed-to-be-mature individuals can stoop so low as to make life miserable…just so they get to hog the limelight.

i also learnt that it is unwise to employ your client’s daughter in your company.

had it not been for chacko’s nagging encouragement, i would never have the courage to apply to “the” indian express at nariman point, much against my parents’ wishes.

(it all seems so funny now…i met venkatesh hariharan, with nothing but my bony resume and the mid-day cut-out of the appointment ad, when both my parents were out of town 😉 i was so sure that i’d get rejected, i thought they need’nt know about any interview at all!)

but that was over five years ago.

hmmm, how time flies…

a father who was so over-protective about his daughter that he did not send her to a college that was 40 minutes away by train, today has given her the freedom to stay alone…at bangalore, and now at nerul, even though home is so close by.

and chacko started it all 🙂

i love achchan’s camera, especially the 70x210mm zoom, without which i never feel like i’ve shot a picture. all i need is an excuse to get it out. and there couldnt have been a better excuse today!

it never fails to amaze me how different i can be behind a camera…totally unlike the usual self-conscious, at-times-introvert that i can be. i’ve been amid a crowd at puri, atop a half-broken-down roof to click pictures of the police bandobast when orissa’s biju patnaik passed away, or talking to (photogenic) strangers like the old watchman at a dam in bangalore, the enfield-rickshaw-wallah at beyt dwarka, or the boy on the cycle who had huge bulky and colourful plastic water carriers on either side of his puny vehicle.

this morning i was shooting the kids and the ‘older’ kids as they threw colour and baloons at each other from my house on the sixth floor, and one of them caught me in the act. before i knew it, all of them were looking upward! and i dont even know anyone in our building, since i go home just once a week.

anticipating my embarrassment, amma immediately ran to my rescue, but she walked away nodding her head in disbelief. in no time, and in spite of the six floors between us, i actually got ALL of them to pose for me !

now, if only the photographs would come out fine too 😉

woke up at 10 am (!)

strange. i just realised i don’t like coffee.

it’s been a long time since i had a good cup of strong filter coffee. perhaps that’s why i don’t like coffee anymore. not here in bombay, except at granny’s home, or of course, bangalore.

amma was surprised when i refused the second coffee she offered in the morning (i used to have at least seven cups a day). but i think secretly, she was glad i did.

though i still have to have my morning dose of caffeine, or i get a headache (read, withdrawal symptoms), the reduced quantity is surely helping the skin on my face breathe 😉