September 2, 2000

eeeewwwwwwwww! is that me?!

grrrr….i’ve had enough of the doctors in my life. all they are concerned about is the astronomical “consultation” fees and money for the treatment that they think might work.
why do doctors need consultation fees anyway? they cannot expect patients to re-pay for their medical degrees right? i hate to think of shelling out money for an “incurable” problem to an unsure doc; i would rather buy an interesting book or watch a funny movie instead.

i’m glad i decided to do some groundwork myself. and boy, was i amazed at the number and kind of spine disorders i came across. makes me feel that perhaps its not so bad after all!

finally, i did track down the “osteophytes” from the web and spine-injury forums online, and god, how i wish my spine wasnt mine! thankfully, my ‘incorrigible’ optimism, and sense of humour are still intact, and i think i’ll survive as long as my back backs me, literally.

i’m almost tempted to call the health museum so they can display the complications that a single backbone can have:
a) a manufacturing defect: missing link in the sacral part (i think thats what its called). in simple words, four joints instead of five.
cure: nil, grin and bear it 😀

b) a gaping gap: the first xray three years ago showed a minor slit in the lower spine; the second xray i took last year showed the slit shifted to two bones above the last one, and a wider gap;
this year (sept 2000, just for the record;-), the now-at least-3mm-gap appears so wide i can see the entire circumference of both the ends of the supposed-to-be-joint bone!
cure: nil, as of now. surgery’s too risky for this condition, i was told. so i grin and bear it 😀

c) osteophytes: god! i never imagined i’d ever have problems from excess of calcium. (does that mean- no milk from now!!! noooooooo!!!!)
the extra deposits of bone that are quite clearly visible in the xray are supposed to cause “nerve impingement” which is what leads to the severe pain and other side effects.
cure: surgery. in normal conditions, that is. thanx to the other two problems that were born with me, i’m not even going to ask the doctor what can be done. again, i guess i’ll just have to grin and bear it 😀

gawd! cant help feeling that i sound like an oolld woman 🙁

surprisingly, the more my back hurts, the more i seem to fight back. i think this is a good sign, and i’m going to enjoy my life to the fullest.

maybe, just maybe i’ll be now be able to nurture my dream of getting a boxer, buy a small house in bangalore or perhaps even dalhousie (!), buy tons of comics and books, paint pots and sell them, and think seriously about adopting a kid.

right now, all i need is a BIG warm hug, and a huge glass of hot chocolate.

marriage? not yet anywhere on the horizon. perhaps i’m not even looking hard enough. erm, no thanx, methinx i’ve enough things on my back (oops, er…mind) already.

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