February 3, 2001

i still belong to my family…but one of us forgot! was it me?

it was 7:45 am.
i was at the ground floor, waiting for the elevator, when what i saw hit me like a bright new sun ray.

it was the lady who got out of the elevator.

there was this air of calm about her, her freshly washed hair loosely tied in a low knot like most malayalees; she smelled of shikakai and mild incense…the vibhuti on her forehead told me she’s just done her puja, and her warm and peaceful smile told me she was heading toward the ayyappa temple down the road.

i thought it strange why she suddenly seemed to make me stop…
why i felt like going home and cuddling under my quilt till i got my bed coffee,
why i felt like being pampered with hot dosas and molagapodi or fesh poha and curd,
why my sleep disappeared all of a sudden, and i felt so full of her…

the questions raced in my head as i smiled back at her, and i felt it hurt deep inside.

it was you amma, i miss you.

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